Dump the Daily Grind, Get Up and Dance!!!

               It’s time to enjoy life, have fun, and get a little silly.  This is something that I need to remember more often.  The best part about this motto is that I don’t need anyone else to make this happen.  I can have more joy in my life, even if I am on my own.

               Don’t get me wrong, being surrounded by people you can enjoy yourself with is great.  What I feel right now is that I can enjoy myself and celebrate my life even when I am alone.  Right now I have the music up and am dancing around without worry that someone will think I look silly.  It’s SOOOO freeing, it’s fun, and it makes me feel alive.

               When I smile, laugh, and dance it fills me with a kind of freedom and happiness that I often forget about in the daily grind of life.  I realize that we all have responsibilities, worries, and things that must get done to function.  What I AM Saying is that it’s very important to ENJOY your life.

               I am sure not everyone enjoys turning up the music and letting go of their worries.  Though I am sure the majority of people do.  If your one of the people who doesn’t think this sounds like fun then just try it.  One thing to remember is to listen to UPBEAT music, don’t turn up the sappy stuff. 

               I challenge you to turn up your favorite happy music and try to be sad, it’s actually really difficult.  Enjoy something small today, be silly today, dance today, tell a joke today and see what happens.  If it doesn’t make you feel good now, try it again later.  If it’s not music and dancing that makes you silly, happy, and filled with laughter try to find what works for you.

               The pursuit of happiness is never a mistake as long as you are not hurting anyone else or doing something self-destructive.  When you are happy, you attract happy people and positive things.  The Universe wants you to experience happiness, laughter, and love.  What can you do today to bring more joy into your life?  Trust me PURE JOY is NEVER a waste of time.

To the Universe

Love Brandy

You Can Work Through Confusion and Sadness!!!

              Is confusion and sadness always bad?  My answer is no.  I don’t like admitting out loud anything that isn’t positive, but I feel deep inside me that my answer is correct.  By admitting to this kind of “negative” belief I may not be understood, but I DESERVE the chance to be heard.

               I have admitted to my past mistakes with drugs and depression, but the harm I have caused myself in the past goes much deeper.  I NEVER thought I could admit to what I am about to say, but I have faith that someone will understand.  I am a self-mutilator, I am a cutter.  When I say “I am” I don’t currently practice that type of destructive behavior, but it is part of my past, therefore it is a part of me.

               For those that don’t understand, a cutter is someone who physically cuts themselves with a sharp object, usually a razor blade until they bleed.  There are those who take this practice to extremes which can result in accidental death, but for me it never went that far.  The behavior I was involved in was mostly superficial, but still dangerous.

               Obviously if you have read my previous blogs you know that I have engaged in other self-destructive behaviors, like drugs.  Though to be completely honest “cutting” myself was something I did long before I was using drugs.

               At this very moment I am struggling with the admission of my history of self-destruction, but if I am going to TRULY recover I need to admit and deal with ALL my past actions.  I am sure many people have been touched personally by drug addiction, though other self-destructive behaviors aren’t always as predominant in people’s daily lives.

               When I said earlier that confusion and sadness isn’t always bad I am referring to the feelings people have when working through the issues of their past.  I have admitted to VERY FEW that I have engaged in “cutting” myself.  More people know about my drug addiction, mainly because I felt that I would encounter LESS judgement for the drug use.

               I haven’t “cut” myself in years, but as I look to my future by healing my past I KNOW that I can’t forget the self-destructive behaviors I engaged in.  When I “cut” myself I felt a release, I felt a sense that I deserved the pain, but even more prevalent I felt control.  I felt that when I “cut” myself I was in control of my pain.  If felt no one could HURT me more than I could HURT MYSELF.

               Today I struggle to understand the state of mind and the pain I was in years ago when I hurt myself.  Today I understand that the pain that seemed so unbearable that I was willing to do ANYTHING to ease it, was only a moment in time.  Time can heal a person’s wounds, we only need to allow ourselves this time.  If you are in pain, try with everything in you to keep moving forward.  The future is unknowable, but it is able to be influenced.  Never give up, Never lose hope, and Never forget that YOU ARE WORTHY of HAPPINESS.

To the Universe

Love Brandy

Doubt is Natural

Friday August 24, 2012

               Decisions are not easy, many times I find myself questioning if I am making the right choices that will bring me the happiness and security I desire.  I know I am not alone in questioning my decisions.  The difficulty comes with trying to stick to the choices I have made, or fall backwards into what I KNOW and what is easier.

               I have recently moved to a new city and lately I am missing my friends and family.  My hometown is where I fought through my addictions, my apathy, and my sadness.  Though my hometown is where I grew up, where I KNOW I will always have a place, and where I have re-invented myself before.

               I have already made the decision to stay in my new city, though I find myself with doubt.  I had previously thought that once I had made the decision to stay that my doubt would dissipate.  Though I still find doubt in my mind. 

Today I realize that doubt is natural.  Doubt is The Universe testing me.  My doubt doesn’t mean I made the wrong choice, it means the Universe wants to be sure that I am Completely Commited to moving forward on my path.

               When negative emotions and thoughts like doubt enter my mind I must work hard to control the negative in my heart and mind.  This kind of control over my negative thoughts takes work.  The work that is required will be rewarded.  I know that everything worth having will take work and I am ready to put in the effort.

               As much as I wish serious change was always easy, I know that when I come out the other side the trials and difficult choices I have been faced with will make the happiness even sweeter.  My goal is to stay on the path that The Universe guides me on.  I must constantly evaluate my choices and what influences them in order to allow the Universe to guide me.

I am no longer Anonymous

               Ok readers, whoever you may be, I am ready to step out, to speak out, and to be noticed.  I am completely inspired to begin sharing my story, it’s won’t always be pretty or positive, but it’s mine.  I am no longer afraid, I am no longer worried about being so open and vulnerable, I KNOW that my story has many aspects which other people can relate to.

               This morning I was reading online about a new documentary that is being worked on called, “The Anonymous People” by Greg Williams.  This is a film about people who are in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction.  I only saw a small clip of the film, as it is still being completed for release, but it touched me deeply and my eyes were swelling with tears.

               The main focus of this film is trying to bring addicts out of the mindset that we need to be anonymous, that we should be sharing our stories to help ourselves and others.  I have operated from the mindset of secrecy about my addictions and my past because of fear.  I was afraid that others would judge me, I was afraid that others would reject me, I was afraid that I couldn’t handle the pain and guilt of confronting my past.  I WAS WRONG.

               I believe that I can use my past mistakes to help others and I believe that when I help others I help myself.  I feel good saying out loud that I am a heroin addict, I am a felon, I am in recovery.  I feel even better saying I am happy today, I am hopeful today, and I am ready to be open and honest today.  I will not allow my past mistakes to bring guilt, fear, and unhappiness with me into my future.

               What can you say today that will empower you?  What mistakes from your past can you admit too today?  Can you forgive yourself and others so you can move forward in peace?  The answer my friends is  “YES YOU CAN.”  Stay tuned as I learn to open up, be heard, and be confident.

Do you Believe in Yourself?

Tuesday August 21, 2012

               Have you every stopped to ask yourself if you believe in your personal potential?  Do you believe in your heart that you can live your dreams?  Even more important, do you believe you deserve to live the life of your dreams?  These questions are very important to ask yourself, and your answers will tell you if you are being guided by the Universe

               The Universe wants us to live a life filled with positivity, but will put up road blocks to ensure you are willing to put in the work.  The Universe isn’t going to give us everything we want unless we are willing to commit and put in the work.  Yes, we deserve happiness, but The Universe knows that people often don’t appreciate or truly enjoy things that come to easily.

               The Universe doesn’t want us to be lazy, because as I’ve said before being lazy and apathetic is not TRULY living.  The Universe doesn’t want us to just exist, it want us to THRIVE.  I simply EXISTED for years before I started on a path to find out what the Universe had for me.

               Most of the mistakes I’ve made in my life, like drugs, jail, dysfunctional relationships (the list goes on) were simply because I didn’t want to put in the effort.  I didn’t want to give up what seemed easy to me.  I surrounded myself with people who didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated because I didn’t have the courage or self-esteem to go out into the world alone.

               If we settle for circumstances that we believe we have no control over, it’s the first step in setting aside the dreams and desires we have for the future.  If we want to be happy and Live in Love, we must not settle.  We must stop simply Existing and step out in faith.  When we step forward into our future and BELIEVE in it, the Universe will guide us to a life that we could only dream of before.

Hard Work does bring Happiness

Monday August 20, 2012

               Here we are at the start of another week.  The question that we should be asking ourselves is what we will make of the week ahead of us.  Will we choose to make decisions based out of love, and the path which the Universe is guiding us down?  Or will we walk through the upcoming days with worry, negativity, anger, and apathy guiding our hearts?

               Today I choose to look at the upcoming week with excitement.  My week is going to be filled with hectic activity, hard work, and possible imperfection, but I choose to be excited about these things.  I know that the work I am doing will be rewarding once I move.  Yes, we are moving.  Moving includes packing, working on the new house, and a multitude of other things which will be dealt with as they arise.  Besides the house work, packing, and moving, I must also keep up my writing and website content creation.  It is a lot of work, and it does cause me to be nervous, but I’m not going to let a few nerves stand in my way.

               Not too long ago having all this upcoming work would have made me anxious, unhappy, and just plain ready to give up even before I started.  I have said before that I was often apathetic and just plain lazy in my life which meant I was never moving.  I never moved forward, I never walked the path that the Universe wanted me to.  I felt this was ok because I said to myself, “at least I’m not falling backwards, at least I’m not unhappy.”  What a horrible thing to tell myself, settling for “not unhappy” is never going to bring me joy.

               Today I won’t lie and tell you I wouldn’t enjoy being able to relax more.  What I will tell you is that there really is pride in a job well done.  There is happiness is working, it makes you appreciate the calm in your life.   Benjamin Franklin said, “Well done is better than well said.”  That quote is pure genius and completely true.  What can you DO today, instead of what you just TALK about doing, that will bring you pride and joy?  Get out there and LIVE your life, don’t just wait for it to happen to you, make it happen FOR YOU.

Wishing won't work, Manifest Your Life

Friday August 17, 2012

               This morning I was sitting on the couch thinking about my future, I was deep in thought about when I could say my future was now.  I wanted to know when I would have my perfect relationship, my own home, my perfect job, and when would I be travelling the globe.  That is when I realized the future is never now.  The future is my dreams, my actions, my expectations, and my reward for living the life that the Universe wants me to.

               I know that I am building my future with my thoughts and actions today.  I also know that the Universe requires my patience and belief before I can manifest everything I want and need. 

               Many times in my past I would “want” things and whether I worked for them or not, I felt slighted when they didn’t work out.  I wanted to have more money, more a career, stability, and love.  When these things didn’t appear for me I just became apathetic about “wishing”. 

               The thing I realize is that “wishing” doesn’t work.  Apathy and Negativity will not bring about positive results, and we just need a little faith in the Universe.  When we have faith, not necessarily faith from a religious aspect, just faith in life and in the Universe that’s when great things manifest.

               Now I rarely wish for more money, more love, more happiness, and more forgiveness.  I work with the Law of Attraction to manifest more specific desires that will bring about the feelings I want to experience in life.  I start from a positive place, I try to forget my past addictions, pain, and guilt in order to live from heart.

               When I live from my heart and stop “wishing” for everything to be perfect, that is when I can concentrate on what I truly want.  I can allow the Universe to speak to me and guide me to the wonderful life I deserve.  My future won’t look just like I picture it today, it will be even better.  I love myself, my life, and the people I surround myself with.  I am grateful for everything I have and KNOW that I have so much more to come in my life.

Lessons from My Life

Thursday August 16, 2012

               I have been thinking a lot about my past mistakes recently, and I have been able to begin looking at my past mistakes with much less shame then I used to.  I believe that we learn from our mistakes, and imperfection leads to enlightenment.  I have a lot of baggage, negativity, and most of all regret in relation to my past.  Today it is easier to look at my mistakes as a foundation that will make my future better.

               I have hurt myself and my family with my selfish behavior and past mistakes.  I am a recovering drug addict, drug dealer, and felon.  Those are just the major mistakes and negative behaviors I have been involved in.  I have not been addicted to drugs for close to three years now, but the consequences of those mistakes are still present today.  Though I choose to forgive myself, sometimes I still feel pain.  I know I must not wallow in pain and self pity, that will not bring me love and happiness.

               I have begun to remake my life into something positive, and I have hopes and dreams for the first time in many years.  I am on a path that fills me with happiness and I know that the Universe will reward me for my hard work and belief.  I have begun to learn that I must not compare my life and my mistakes with others, each of us have our own path.  Some people are happy and stable early in life and will remain this way until death.  Others will learn lessons based on their mistakes much later in life.  The point is to Learn the Lessons life has to give you.

               When we search for meaning in our lives we must remember to include forgiveness for ourselves, otherwise we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past.  It is not wise to pretend that the mistakes or pain in your past don’t exist.   What is important is grow from your past and use it to build the future you dream of.  Forgive yourself, forgive others, and try to look towards your future more often then you dwell in your past.  What can lessons of your past can you give thanks for today?

You can Create Your Own Life

            I have been on a journey to find happiness, hope, beauty, meaning, love and much more this year.  I now realize that through my study and practice of the Law of Attraction that I can ask for and receive the things I want and need from the Universe.  I also know that I Deserve to ask the Universe for these things.  When my self worth was low because of my regret about past mistakes I didn’t feel I deserved much.  When I felt undeserving I wasn’t able to access the power of the Universe. 

            Today I don’t have all the things I want, but what I do have is belief.  I believe for the first time that I DO Deserve happiness and I Can have all the things I want in my life.  I don’t have to be perfect, but I have to believe and work with the Universe instead of against it.  The Universe is always trying to give us clues and hints so we can find our path in life easily.  It’s us that always gets lost, we fight the Universe because we don’t believe.  We let negativity lead us astray and when we get lost its painful.  Then we blame the Universe for being cruel, when we just need to learn to listen and participate in our life from a positive place.  When we listen to the Universe it is only then that we will become a Powerful co-creator of our own lives.

I Have Control Over My Life

Monday August 13, 2012        

Today I realize that I can exert control over the suffering in my life.  For many years I thought that the pain in my life was somebody else’s fault.  Seriously, what average person doesn’t blame onto others for the pain they feel, most people after all aren’t masochistic.  I don’t need to blame myself for the pain that I let other people inflict on me, and blaming myself won’t make change easier.  Though I do realize that I need to take responsibility for the way that I internalize how other people treat me.  I also need to take responsibility for the many times I have allowed negative and bad people to remain in my life.  I know I never asked for people to treat me badly, but I did allow them to hurt me by allowing them to continue being involved in my life. 

People have trouble believing that they actually have control over there lives.  It is easy to find reasons to blame others for their impact on our lives.  It is true that you are not responsible to change other people’s behavior, so you aren’t to blame when other people do bad things.   You are responsible for who and what you allow into your own life.  You can only have the positive and productive life you want when you stop making excuses for others behavior, and start to take responsibility for the people you surround yourself with. 

When you start to take an active role in choosing the types of people you allow yourself to be surrounded by, that’s the first step to stop your suffering.  If there is someone in your life that you can’t avoid, then you have the power to change how you let them influence or affect your mind.  You don’t have to suffer, you don’t deserve pain, you are worthy of love, kindness, and generosity.  Don’t believe that you can’t do better.  We all deserve and can have a life without suffering, we Can Choose to start leading a happier life.  Choose your thought and actions as wisely as you should choose your friends. 

To The Universe

Love Brandy

Our Human Experience

Tuesday August 7, 2012

            Today I was reminded how beautiful life is, and I am truly thankful for that.  The beauty in life is so simple and natural, maybe that’s part of the reason that people stop seeing the beauty around us every day.  So often we are bogged down with problems, stress, disappointment, and expectations that we forget to be thankful.  People can forget to be thankful for the simple beauty of life and for the human experience. 

            The human experience isn’t meant to be perfect, but deep down it’s perfectly simple.  We as humans are given the gift of life, not just existence, but life and higher consciousness.  We experience emotions that other creatures in the natural world will never be a part of.  These emotions that we are blessed to have access to are the basis of our lives.  Many times when we are experiencing painful emotions it’s difficult to be thankful for the experience that we are given.  Though when we come through the pain, the happiness and beauty of life is even sweeter.  It is only because we are aware that pain and negativity is out there, that we can truly appreciate beauty and happiness.

            When we realize that every emotion and experience we have is important.  It is then that we can influence our lives with the choices we make.  We can choose to be stuck in pain, or choose to try and see beauty.  We can choose to accept that negativity is part of our world, but we don’t have to let negativity be part of ourselves.  We can choose to forgive ourselves and others for our imperfections.  When we choose to have as much good in our lives as we can, it’s then that we are choosing a Great Life.  What kind of choices can you make today to start Your Great Life.

We deserve better then Apathy

Monday August 6^th, 2012

            I have been working with the Universe every day to improve how I feel about myself, and have the kind of life I dream about for a few months now.  Today I was wondering why the life I was leading before wasn’t working for me.  Then it hit me, apathy.  My life before was Filled with Apathy.  I wasn’t truly happy, and I wasn’t truly unhappy.  The only thing I am sure about is that I was apathetic about almost everything.  I was afraid to care, I thought I would be hurt if I didn’t have what I wanted so I stopped dreaming.

            My simple definition of apathy is just not caring.  Not caring about yourself, not caring about others, not caring about your dreams or even your happiness.  Apathy causes people to Just Exist, we become a shadow of the people we could be.  We don’t experience real happiness, joy, or love.  When we can’t experience happiness, joy, and love first within ourselves, then for others we begin to die inside. 

            I am so perfectly blessed that I have begun to realize that we have choice.  We can live our lives in “the positive” or we can live our lives in “the negative” and what is in between is apathy.  I didn’t know I was living in apathy because I believed that if my life wasn’t bad, then my life must be good.  Today I know that I won’t settle for an apathetic life, I don’t want to exist somewhere between bad and good.  I want happiness, positivity, dreams, adventures, love, and to be surrounded by others who want that kind of life.   Do you live in the positive, or does apathy invade your life daily?  What kind of dreams have you forgotten about?  How can you start to live in the positive, right now?

To The Universe

Love Brandy

Suffering from within....

Friday August 3, 2012

Have you ever heard the saying, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder?”  Well I have always believed that to be true.  I have also come to realize that suffering is in the mind of those who suffer, and everyone at one time or another has and will experience suffering.  Knowing that we all suffer and choose what to internalize means is that no one can make us feel a certain way.  People can influence our lives in both negative and positive ways, but WE are the ones who decide what to do with those external influences.

            We are the only people with control over our minds.  Other people can influence us, but in the end we are the creators of our own thoughts.  Our thoughts come from our brains, and our brains can be controlled.  Just like many things control of our minds is never perfect, we are human, and part of a world which contains plenty of imperfection.

            Just because we are the controller of our own minds, thoughts, and emotions doesn’t mean we can always make ourselves stop feeling pain.  What it does mean is that we CAN and should continually work our minds.  We should never stop practicing having control of our thoughts and emotions.  We also shouldn’t blame ourselves when we can’t ALWAYS be in complete control of our thoughts or emotions.  We just need to be aware of the choices we make so that we don’t hurt ourselves or others with our decisions.  What can you do with the power of Your Mind?  What kind of positive choices can you make today?   

To The Universe

Love Brandy

Life without Boredom...

Thursday August 2, 2012

            Is boredom normal?  Is boredom negative?  Many times when I am feeling down its not just because I’m sad, a lot of times I’m just bored.  Boredom is something that I have been experiencing more recently.  The thing is that I wasn’t busier before, I think I just didn’t care.  I didn’t want to have things to do, or people to be with.  I was so comfortable in my apathy that I didn’t realizing how bored I was.  I didn’t even realize how unhappy I was.

            Have you ever heard someone say, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.  I always assumed that was in reference to something good that you had which you lost.  I know that sometimes the opposite is true.  I think sometimes you don’t realize how sad or apathetic you have been, until you find happiness.

            I have started to find so much happiness.  I don’t want to sleep all day, or watch TV all day, or be alone all the time.  I want so much more, and for the first time in my life those kind of desires don’t scare me.  I used to be frightened to really want something, because I was sure if I didn’t get it I would be sad.  I realize today that those thoughts were just fear trying to control my life. 

When I allowed my life to be ruled by fear I stopped really dreaming, hoping, and expecting good things in my life.  Today I still get bored, the difference is that every day I have more positive feelings and emotions in my life to replace the boredom and fear.  I look forward to tomorrow.  I don’t want to stay in bed all day.  I WANT TO LIVE LIFE.  I know I will continue to be happier with every moment.  Love and Happiness is abundant and I want my share.

To The Universe

Love Brandy

Foundation for the Future

Wednesday August 1, 2012

            “It’s places like rock bottom where we have the incredible power of choice.  Do we give up, or do we, as JK Rowling suggests, use rock bottom as solid foundation to build on.”   Vivek Wagel

            I haven’t quoted anyone else in my blogs until today, that is until I read this quote by Vivek Wagel.  Until recently I often felt that my past was dragging me down.  I felt like my mistakes would continue to negatively impact my life forever.  I was unable to see how I could Truly use my past to make my future better.  My vision was clouded by pain and regret.  Recently I have realized that dwelling only on the negative of my past, was just bringing more negativity into my present.  If I allowed myself to continue being surrounded by all those negative thoughts, how could I ever manifest a positive future.

            Today I envision a future filled with possibility, happiness, prosperity, and love.  More then that I have begun to forgive myself for the mistakes of my past.  Through my study of the Law of Attraction I have been blessed with hope, belief, and being.  The hope I feel is not just “hoping for the best”, because that isn’t how to attract the things I want in my life.  The hope I am talking about is the positive basis for my emotions, it’s my solid foundation for the future.  When my emotions come from a positive place it’s possible for me to believe that I will have the future I envision.  With that belief in my future I KNOW that the Universe will put those beliefs into being.  My future is my own, it’s beautiful, and I’m building it every day.

To The Universe

Love Brandy