Practice Patience

Patience is a skill and like with any skill, it needs to be practiced.  I have often thought that I was a patient person, though I believe that I have mistaken my lack of desire for patience.  I possess the ability to be patient on the outside, though my mind is often overtaken with anxiety.

I have mentioned on numerous occasions that I have been stricken with doubt and anxiety, these feelings are not something that coincides with patience.  If I truly had the skill of patience, I would be able to soothe my fears and keep negativity at bay.  If I truly had mastered the skill of patience I would not be preoccupied with thoughts of “what may be”, but I would be able to think about what is.

Living in the present, living with purpose, living today in order to make your tomorrow’s better is what I believe takes patience.  In today’s world we are so often given answers quickly.  If we have a problem with our television or internet, there is a call center technician available to help us almost immediately.  If we are bored we can find instant entertainment with television and the internet.  If we are lonely we can call our friends and family.  If we are hungry we go to a fast food drive thru.  Everything in our society is trying to be faster, because most people lack patience.  We want it all, and we want it immediately.

I am learning to be patient, I need to practice, I know that the decisions and actions I make today will shape my future.  If I have patience I will be able to wait for my dreams to become a reality.  I can’t force The Universe to work on my timeframe.  The only thing I can do is continue to work for the future and practice patience.

To The Universe

Love Brandy

If you Believe It, It Will Be

“The truth is that we co-create our experience CONSTANTLY, as you believe, so will you perceive.”  Dave Elliott

How often does how we see our lives come true, I am pretty sure it’s Almost Always.  If we think our lives are sad, impoverished, loveless, and desperate, that’s what we will see.  When we believe our lives are filled with negative people and emotions, that’s exactly what we will see and attract.

If you can look at your life as a gift, even the bad stuff, then you will begin to see the greatness of your life.  It won’t matter how much you have, you will always feel happy and blessed.  When you look for the bad in your life, you are sure to find it.  Everyone has “bad” in their lives, it’s what we do with the “bad” stuff that will set our course.

Are we going to grow from the negative, do we learn from our mistakes, are we grateful?  These are questions everyone should take the time to think about.  If you can honestly answer “Yes” to those questions, then you are on a path to believing, perceiving, and living a Great Life.

It is up to us what steps we take, what decisions we make, what steps we are willing to take to create the lives we dream of.  It is also up to us how we see ourselves NOW.  If you see yourself surrounded by negativity it will drown you, and it will be that much more difficult to bring happiness into your life.  If you work towards seeing positivity in your life, it will lift you up and make it that much easier to have more of the same greatness come your way.

To The Universe

Love Brandy

Your Life is Waiting Just Around The Corner

What a difference a day makes.  I woke up in Vegas this morning, and was struck down by sadness, technically it started yesterday.  Yesterday morning I was ready to leave Sacramento, then by the afternoon when I was spending time with my Best Friend and my Mother the tears and sadness struck like lightning.

The sadness I felt made me desperate.  I felt desperate to stay, desperate to return to my old life, even desperate to be numb.  I have spent so much of my thirties just being apathetic and without desire, hope, and tough emotions, and this morning I almost gave into to my negative feelings.  I almost didn’t get out of bed today.

Obviously I got out of bed, I started my day by making my bed and some coffee, but my sadness still lingered.  I wanted to crawl back under the covers and cry, but I forced myself to get started.  I shuffled around my apartment without even a hint of a smile on my face, and without any joy in my heart, but I kept going. 

Eventually the frown turned started to turn, it hasn’t turned into a big smile as of yet, but I have faith that it will.  In difficult times it is important to remember to take life one step at a time.  Every step you take away from your past pain is a step that gets you closer to your future happiness, closer to achieving your potential, closer to The Universe.

I am not saying that it’s easier to move forward, sometimes it feels easier to just remain trapped in your present apathy or sadness, but that’s no way to live.  I know that my fears have so often been in control of my life, and the only way to get over that is to face my fears.  It’s scary to step out in faith, to move forward in the face of pain, but I Have to Believe that things are always changing and my Dreams are just around the corner waiting for me.

To The Universe

Love Brandy

WORTH Working For

Today’s the day, it’s time to go back to my new life.  As of this moment I can say that I am ready, I am stronger, and I think I may actually be kinda looking forward to getting back to Vegas.  Wow that’s a HUGE statement, because earlier this week I was desperate not to have to leave Sacramento, and now that desperation has faded.  Don’t get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to remain here in Sac with my mother and best friend where things are safe and familiar, but that isn’t going to happen.

I made a commitment to my family that I would try to build a life in Vegas, one that is independent of my past mistakes and influences.  If you would have told me earlier this week that I would experience anything other than fear, sadness, and apprehension about leaving Sacramento, I would have called you CRAZY.

I guess CRAZY is just what I am.  Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely sad to be leaving and filled with anxiety about how my path will unfold in a place that is still Very New to me.  Thankfully I have been filled with a newfound strength.  I am beginning to envision ideas and actions that will make my integration into what is to become my second home much more fun.

One thing that has made my return to Vegas easier is my resolution to REALLY build a social circle in my new home.  I have recently mentioned that I have been sad, lonely, anxious, and unhappy.  (though it’s only recently that I’ve stopped pretending everything was OK, and began to admit to others how I feel)  Those feelings are still present, but they have been joined by Hope, Belief, Acceptance, and Love.

Hope in what makes it possible for me to Believe that I can change how I perceive and create my life.  I have accepted that my path is influenced by others, just as much as by myself.  I accept that my family doesn’t want me to give up on creating a new life, though may seem too difficult to bear.  I Accept that I can’t create my life alone.  I need support from my family and friends and guidance from The Universe.

Finally I must have Love.  I must constantly work on loving myself in order to love others.  I must constantly work to evaluate the inner workings of my mind to ensure I am operating from a place of Love, not Fear.  I admit Love has been hard for me in the past, but I am beginning to feel that anything Worth having is Worth working for. 

To The Universe

Love Brandy

Exercise Communication and Control (Easier Said Than Done)

This morning I feel that my communication skills need help.  I am being held back by my fears, fears of being hurt.  My whole life I have been careful what deep feelings I share with others, especially when those feelings are in regards to the person I am speaking with.

The problem I am having is that I can’t have the life and the treatment I expect from others if I can’t express myself.  Then again my fear is crippling me.  I have such a problem taking criticism without getting hurt, and the closer a person is to me the easier it is for me to be hurt.

I know that I am the only one in control of my feelings, but I am searching for how to best exercise that control.  I know that as with any exercise, it takes practice.  Often I think that I would rather sit and sweat in a sauna for days, then exercise my feelings. 

My feelings have ALWAYS been in control me, not me in control of my feelings.  People may think I can control my feelings, but that is simply because I have learned not to share too much.

I don’t have any deep insights at this point, what I do know is that I am asking the Universe for help.  I need to be guided to a more independent sense of being.  I need to be guided to better self-esteem and courage.  I need to be guided away from fear and anxiety.  I know it’s possible to be in better control of my feelings and reactions, I just need the courage to keep plugging away.

To The Universe

Love Brandy

FRUSTRATION....We All Get It!!!

Ugh….This morning is not going my way and it’s pissing me off.  WOW, that felt so good to say out loud.  In recent months my circumstances have led me to feel the need to conceal my feelings if they aren’t positive.  I have been living in a new city and living with family members I’m not that comfortable around, yet.  But I’m telling you, it’s important not to keep negativity bundled up inside.

I have kept a lot of things to myself recently, that I really should have been sharing.  What happens when I keep everything to myself isn’t pretty.  I get sad, mad, angry, and unable to communicate efficiently.  I have spent a large portion of my life pretending.  I pretend I’m the happy one, I pretend I’m not bothered, I pretend I don’t want emotional support.

Pretending has brought me nothing but more distress.  I have been so worried how other people may react to my emotional needs, and so afraid of negative words and rejection, I have become a “slave” to my emotions.  I have let my emotions take control of my happiness.  I am So Done with that.

I have been trying to load all my blogs into a different format, and with photos, for the past couple days.  I have reformatted them so they all look alike, and this morning when I was determined to upload ALL my blogs, my internet is not cooperating.  I’m upset, I’m frustrated, and I kinda feel like giving up.  But there’s a lot of power in admitting ALL your emotions, even the bad.

Once I admitted how frustrated I am with my computer, the internet, and trying to learn new programs, I was able to step back and say “STOP.”  Stop working on what your doing, NOW, before your frustration makes you completely useless and ruins your entire day.

Now, that I gave myself permission to “STOP”, my frustration and emotions are calming.  I don’t feel like I am losing control, I feel calm, and happy.  I have to allow myself these moments of negativity, if I deny that I feel these things I will NEVER learn how to control them.  I must embrace ALL my emotions, my emotions Are Me, and I am Happy with Me.

To The Universe

Love Brandy

The Universe has MOVED ME

Today The Universe wasn’t simply “guiding” me, or “nudging” me towards my path, it physically “MOVED” me!!!  When I say “moved,” I am not referring to movements which other people can see, I was “moved” in my Spirit, in my Soul, and in my Mind.

You probably want to know what it is that has “moved” me so deeply and for this I need to give you a little backstory.  I will try to keep it “short” and “sweet”.

I have always known that graduating college was something I wanted.  In high school I wanted to be a doctor, but soon decided that Nursing was more suited to my timeframe and budget.  Sadly, because of my past history with drug abuse and an arrest I am unable to become a Registered Nurse.

I have always wanted to be in the medical field and decided to become a Drug and Alcohol counselor.  My local Community College offered an Associate’s Degree program in this field, and this was my educational goal earlier this year.  I was then struck ill with pneumonia in April and my school status was into question.

The Universe was about to “change” my goal into something BIGGER, but before the clarity I received today I would have to step out in FAITH.  I have done what was required of me, I have been able to quiet my mind and be guided by The Universe. 

I have persevered through the doubt and anxiety that comes with big life changes.  Now I am being rewarded with the most “positive” and “definite” feeling that completing my college degree is not only possible, but WILL HAPPEN.

I am now blessed with the knowledge that getting back in to school is something I not only want, but something I need.  Though today I realized that I don’t just want an AA degree, I want my Master’s Degree and IT IS within my grasp. 

I can SEE myself walking across a stage and receiving my college degree and I can FEEL how wonderful and fulfilling it will be.  I KNOW that getting back in school will bring me a sense of peace, direction, and happiness that I have recently been lacking.  I haven’t been this sure about my future in a long time, and it FEELS GREAT.

To The Universe

Love Brandy